California Governor Gentrification “Gentry” Brown today announced that he had made a decision on the future of health care in California. “I can not support, and will not sign, SB 562,” the single payer bill. “I know single payer is an attractive idea,” he said, noting that it was supported by the Nurses Union. “But what do nurses know about health care?”
“What we need is a cost-effective system that will maintain the competitive position of the California insurance industry,” Brown said. Currently at least 20 percent of every health care dollar goes to insurance company overhead. The single payer bill would reduce overhead costs to less than 5 percent, similar to Medicare. “So we would lose 15 percent of all health care dollars.”
Brown then unveiled his own secret plan to remake health care in the state. “Stingy payer will maintain healthy insurance profits while lowering costs, therefore luring insurance companies back into the California market,” said Brown. The system would allocate 30 percent of health care dollars to insurance companies, while the other 70 percent would go to Sutter, Kaiser, the uc hospital system and other health care companies. Stingy payer would be paid for by sales taxes, cigarette taxes, obesity taxes, and employee contributions, thus freeing employers from the competitive burden of providing health care. The system would cost less, because it would eliminate paying for such frills as doctor visits, hospitalization, mental health services, and outpatient surgeries. Of course, individuals could purchase additional insurance for such services from the newly robust insurance industry. “It’s a win-win” he said.
Dr. Blob, president of the California Medical Association, said, “This is a great bill. It steps away from the abyss of socialized medicine.”
UV was able to track down R Tomorrow, president of the Nurses Union, who was found tearing up posters from Brown’s 2010 election campaign. “He should know better than to mess with nurses,” she muttered.