WITCHELM Drops Condoms, Abortion Pills on Texas

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In the wee hours of September 11, 2021, two planes appeared out of nowhere in the skies above El Paso and Houston, Texas. As terrified spectators fled and shrieked, two mushroom clouds drifted toward the ground. Upon impact, the parachutes burst open, revealing millions of condoms and doses of Plan B (emergency contraception) and the mifepristone-misoprostol combination popularly known as RU486.

A tornado-like vortex created by the departing vessels blew the bounty far and wide, and shrieks of fear turned to whoops of joy as women stuffed the anti-pregnancy charms into bras, purses and pockets.

Also plucked from the winds (but miraculously not finding their way into any bodies of water) were copies of a leaflet proclaiming:

Greetings Siblings:

We, the Women’s Intergallactic Troglodyte Conspiracy to Harbor Extraterrestrial Little Monsters (WITCHELM) have heard your cries for freedom and come bearing gifts. May your lives be joyful and all your children be chosen, and may the revolution come speedily in our day.

Live Long and Prosper.

P.S. Donations may be sent to P.O. Box 666666, Planet XX, Andromeda Galaxy VIVIVI

Author: lagai

LAGAI-Queer Insurrection is one of the oldest radical queer liberation groups in the U.S. We publish UltraViolet, a more or less bimonthly newspaper, which is mailed free of charge to over 1500 people, including over 800 prisoners. Our website is www.lagai.org.

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